I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
