I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I intend to get homeless drunk
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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