Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize