and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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