i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
