apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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