kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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