matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
