I hope mine doesn't look like that
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
