and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
