Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Randomize
