The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize