Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
