I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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