Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Randomize
