who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Mom said you looked used
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
