I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
