When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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