I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
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