I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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