I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
