Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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