They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
he was CRYING into my vagina
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
