That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Boobs speak an international language.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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