Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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