As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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