Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
