come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
