Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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