the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
