I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
