When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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