john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
