mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize