I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
