i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize