Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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