can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Why are your pants in the freezer?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
