It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
