you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
