Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
