I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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