hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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