yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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