I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
