I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
