my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
