it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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