i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
