Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
