i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
