If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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