too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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