I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You pole danced in your parka.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
