So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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