I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
