So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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