3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
