If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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