exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
