Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He kissed a someone with a penis
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
