I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
