I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
