The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
