Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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