TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
