i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
this hospital has no fireball
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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