I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
