I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
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