I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
