Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
